Reading 32

Romans 8-11

In Romans 9:32, Paul explains that Israel has not attained righteousness because they pursue it as though it can be achieved by works, and not by faith. I feel as though this is something I can identify with. You see, I was raised in a Christian household, and gave my life to Christ when I was 10 years old. My family was very supportive and loving, and I was always encouraged to do my best. Being the perfectionist oldest child that I am, I translated “doing my best” to “doing the best.” And for me, it wasn’t hard to be the good little Christian girl I was supposed to be. I was a model Christian girl, and I was good at it. And while outwardly displaying humility, I was secretly satisfied and very proud of all my achievements.

My big secret was that I had everyone fooled. I almost never cracked open my Bible, even though I knew all the stories and a lot of verses. I memorized them because I had to memorize them. It was what good Christian girls did. I only knew the stories because they were told to me, not because I read them and investigated for myself. Though Paul was writing about the Israelites in Romans, I definitely would have been included on the list of people pursuing righteousness and salvation by works and the law, not by faith. And I was actually proud of myself and felt superior to all the others in my youth group, because I was a better Christian than they were.

My façade persisted even after I moved to Pullman to attend WSU. I had a Christian roommate, so I went to church and a weekly campus Christian group meeting. I also volunteered to help with a Sunday school program. But during the spring of my freshman year, my life of works started to feel empty and meaningless. I was living my life to please others’ expectations, not living to please God. I knew this, and still, my Bible remained shut. Continuing to live a lie seemed to be an easier path than confronting and repenting my pride and arrogance.

Until one day when God confronted me. I was taking an English Lit class about the archetypal hero’s journey and saw that the next text we would be studying were selections from Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. I was stunned. In that moment it hit me that God loved me so much and knew me so well that he was meeting me at the one place He knew I wouldn’t be able to ignore him: my homework. As I read, a huge burden lifted and I was able to confess that I hadn’t actually read my Bible in three years. After I finished the gospels, I continued to read, and broke down when I read in Romans 8:1 that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. I made the connection that nothing I could ever do would make me good enough to be saved. I felt comfort and relief. Like Paul writes in 8: 15-16, I am a child of God. The pressure was off to live up to people’s expectations. Now my motivation to be a good Christian girl could come from pursuing righteousness by faith and living for God.

Stacey

Reading #32 (audio)